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Today’s NRA News Conference
– an Onion prediction from May 2012 –

NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anything

‘Yeah, Something Like 1,000 Dead Kids,’ Reports Spokesperson

NewsgunsNews • May 25, 2012

NRA officials said the school would have to be “super, super bloody” after the shooting for the organization to question their pro-gun stance.

FAIRFAX, VA—National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre said Monday that somewhere around 1,000 kids would have to die in a school shooting in order for the organization to reconsider their longstanding opposition to gun control. “Yeah, that’s probably the only way we’d reassess much of anything at this point: 1,000 dead kids, shot up pretty good, lying face down in the school auditorium or something like that,” LaPierre said, noting that anything less than 1,000 dead kids would not be enough for the NRA to stop urging Congress to pass pro-gun legislation. “I mean, that’s just a ballpark number, but I imagine seeing 1,000 or so body bags being wheeled out of a school and a whole town of crying parents would probably make us reflect on our values for at least a little bit.”
“So yeah, more or less 1,000 dead kids,” LaPierre added. “Something around there. And teachers don’t count.” …/…

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